A Thank You!

This is a shout out to my very dear friend who designed my logo for me.  Jo,

Jo specilaises in web design, Facebook pages and logos and always does an amazing job.  Jo has even had large companies contract her for web design and Facebook page design.  Jo also gives back to the community by offering design work to charity for little or no cost, which in my book, makes her work even more spectacular.

Check her out at:

http://www.pimpdesignz.com/

http://www.facebook.com/pimppages?fref=ts

Mental Health Awareness Week (NZ) - 7-13 October 2013

 

(picture from the Mental Health Awareness Week Website)

When I decided to start this blog last week, I had no idea that it was Mental Health Awareness Week in NZ this week!

Since I started the blog and shared it, I have had a LOT of people reach out to tell me their stories and offer support (some have done it privately and I respect that choice).  One of the common things that have come up is that mental illness needs to be TALKED ABOUT!  People need to realise that it is not a matter of people feeling sorry for themselves cause they are having a bad day, it is a like this black force that takes control of your ability to think straight and see reason.  It brings fear and lonliness.  It does not descriminate.  You can actually be having a very pleasant day but still be feeling anxious and worried and not be able to think rationally.  I have had days when I have been on the phone to my mum saying "I hate feeling like this, it is stupid!"  Because there is actually nothing really wrong, this black thing has just taken over.  You know deep down that you are being irrational, but you don't know how to stop it!

So this week, lets all stop and take time to really listen to our friends and family, especially those with mental illness.  And if you do have a mental illness, then reach out to people, you will soon find out who you can and can't talk to (there will always be some people who you can't talk to, but plenty you can).

Mental Health Foundation http://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/page/5-Home

Mental Health Awareness Week http://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/page/995-home

Argh, I just Facebooked my Blog!

Obviously the point of the blog is sharing but now I am having a wee freak out of what people will think.

Deep Breaths!!

PS I don't look that hot when I scream.

The Mask

It has been a busy morning.  I have finally been able to pick up my medication, which is a very good thing.  As much as I wish I did not have to rely on medication, I do understand that I do need it currently.  It helps me keep better focus, be a better mum, and be happier.

I had to put my mask on to go to a birthday party.  As much as I appreciate the love and support from friends and family, sometimes it is easier to pretend that things are okay.  And sometimes with the help of the mask, I can actually come away from a social gathering feeling a bit more content with my day.  The mask helps me to get through the social gathering without making things end up being about me.  It helps me to be the mum I want to be, making sure my child is enjoying herself and playing nicely. 

Sometimes when I get home, it is nice to leave the mask on for a while, so that the good feeling will not go away.

BTW, if you are wondering what my mask looks like ... it looks just like me, only happier.  It is a metaphorical mask.  However, if it was a real mask, I would imagine I would want something that looks a bit like this:

Why am I Here?

I suffer from depression.

I am really struggling with my depression at the moment and feel that writing about it may help me get on top of things ... start shrinking those mountains that are getting in my way.

Everyday I find that any little thing seems big and terrible and unmanageable.  It is like the saying 'Don't make a mountain out of a molehill', but what if there are no molehills?  What if all you see are mountains because your depression does not allow you to see the molehills?  This is how I feel.

Depression has been present in my life off and on for many years.  There are also a lot of sufferers in my family, so I feel that it is somewhat hereditary.  At this point in time though, depression seems to have really had its hold on me for too long ... sometimes a loose hold, sometimes an iron first grip.  I feel the depression is the main reason for my current life situation ... some of which I really need to change.

The following is a list of my mountains:

• Unemployment - Although I have not been unemployed for long, the lead up to this unemployment was brought about from dissolving my self employment which just did not go well for me.
• Financial issues - I am currently under the No Asset Procedure.  
• Weight issues - Lets just say I weigh over 100kg and leave it there.  
• Health issues - Hypertension and possibly more ... I see the doctor in a week, following more blood tests.
• Family situation - I have two children.  One is 15 and one is 7.  I have been separated from the father of the 15 year old for 10 years.  The 15 year old now lives with his father - this is a good thing for everyone, even though I miss him.  The 7 year old does not have a father (this was not mine or her choice).  I have actually been on my own for 10 years ... have not had a serious relationship since my ex-husband ... almost had one about 5 years ago.  Yes, it does make me feel like something is wrong with me.  My issue here is not that I am on my own, but more about how I am making it work. 

Those are the main things.  I can't really think too much at the moment.  My head gets fuzzy and I feel tired.

If anyone does happen upon this blog and wants to share their story, journey, give encouragement, say hi or anything, then please do.  I just ask that you do not be judgmental or leave negative comments.  If you feel that you can't say anything positive then this blog is not for you, just like a blog about fishing is not for me.